Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
