After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
