I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
