I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He better not be in your backpack
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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