I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
