Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
