Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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