At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
