Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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