I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
