The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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