We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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