sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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