Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
