yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
