i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
