Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
