But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
