There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
