Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
