We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
