You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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