mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm at about main and main street
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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