Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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