Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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