So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
