Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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