this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
