I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm passing your future prison.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
