So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
