I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
