wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
