Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
