reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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