yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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