Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
