in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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