I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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