He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
