i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
