Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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