Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
