Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
