I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
