we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
