Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
