I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
be right there i have to get my cape
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
