If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
