If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
