Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
