I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
did i just pee glitter
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize