I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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