The maid of honor just puked.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
