i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i think im in europe. pls send help
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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