I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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