She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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