If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm just crazy horny about you
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize