Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
