Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
