i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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