I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
