Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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