Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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