So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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