Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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