dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
