giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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