I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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