she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
