9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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