Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
