I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
