it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
