My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
