Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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