When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
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