how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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