i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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